Surgery

It's been a while since I last posted anything. But I thought I would just let you all know (all none of you who read this) that I had bariatric surgery to lose weight. My surgery date was April 28, 2008. I had the lap-band procedure done and as of today August 24, 2008, I have lost 32 lbs.
I feel so good about the decision I made. The only down side is having everyone watch me like a hawk. I think they are just curious about what I can and can't do now with this surgery.
I thought that my life would be over, seeing as how food was practically my life, but now I see it's only just beginning. I am so excited for the little things to come my way. Like crossing my legs, and being able to comfortably sit in a theater chair.
I am currently a little under the weight I was when I got married last year. And in 30 more pounds, I will be at the weight I was when Norman and I started dating. At that time in my life I felt so good about myself, and I can't wait to have the confidence back. I used to feel enveloped in Norms arms and he made me feel protected. Now I just feel like a huge sack of potatoes that he can barely fit his arms around. Soon that will all change.
It's funny, like I said earlier, I had this mentality that after the surgery my life would be over. I even went out to a nice Steak dinner the night before I went on my pre-op liquid diet. I called it my last meal. I even ordered dessert.
There have also been my fair share of struggles. It hasn't all been hunky-dory. Food is still very much a demon to me. I find myself getting mad that I can't sit and gorge myself like I used to. It's how I would sooth myself. Now I have to face my issues head on and try to figure out how to cope with them without the aid of food. I get angry that, try as I might, I just know that I can't eat every morsel of food on my plate. I have to pick and choose carefully the foods I want to put on my plate. I have to be painfully honest with myself. When I go to grab that snack, which is a very old habit for me, I have to ask myself if I am wanting to eat because I am hungry, or bored, or stressed. Half of the time I don't even know. I am only now trying to learn the difference between hungry, bored, stressed, angry, in love. It was all the same to me.
Then there is the self doubt. How many different diets have I tried? How many worked? And of the ones that worked, how long did it last? You think to yourself that your going to spend all this money to have a surgery only to fail... again. And that is a constant battle. When I think of the sacrifices my husband and family made for me so I could do this, it makes it all that much harder to think you could fail at this. I don't want to let them down. But I have always end up letting myself down. What is going to make this any different? I guess only time will tell.
The decision to have this surgery wasn't made lightly. I had tons of hoops to jump through, and I did a lot of research. I had been researching this procedure for over a year before I decided to go through with it, and I had another four months of insurance hoops to jump through. All the doors opened so nicely for me, and I am glad for it.
I am going to see if I can keep up an account of my ups and downs through this. And there is going to be plenty of both.
Just thought I would share.