Quest!

Today I start my quest to find "inner peace". What exactly is inner peace? I guess I should know what it is if I am going to be looking for it. What does it look like? Does it have a look? Is it a feeling, a mind set? Maybe it's a smell or a memory. What about contentment, does that factor into this idea of inner peace? Is inner peace even an achievable idea? I am going to go google inner peace and see what I come up with. Hold up, I'll be right back.... I hate dial-up.... WOW!!! I got 30,600,000 hits for inner peace. It seems to me that just looking at the first 10 listings inner peace can be found with a lot of things. It can be found in books, and in "spirit journeys", even with music. For some reason though I am skeptical. I just don't think that the amazing search engine GOOGLE is going to be able to facilitate me in my quest to find inner peace. But back to what I was pondering earlier. The look, feeling, taste, smell, idea, mind set, of inner peace. I have a feeling that all these things mentioned all play a part in this idea of inner peace. Now I know what your all thinking, because frankly I am wondering it myself... Where does God factor into all of this. To me, God is the most frightening aspect of this search for inner peace. I know that without Him, it will be impossible to find whatever it is I am looking for. This is because ultimatly He is Peace. He gives His Peace, He promises that his Peace will be with you always. But that road is a scary one. A road where I will have to face my own personal demons. I will come face to face with who I am and it won't be an image of who I was created to be. Am I ready to rip off this mask that I have been wearing for so long in order to see who really lurks behind the surface. Am I really truly ready to committ the time, energy, and emotion, to the search for peace, the search for my very self, the search for who Jesus is in me? Honestly, I don't know.

YIKES!!!

So today I am just going to ramble (complain) about a few things. I guess I am a sorry sod of a person who likes to feel sorry for themselves all the time. I am currently in the process of planning a wedding, and making guest lists. We just mailed out the invites to our Engagement party, and I am so depressed because I realize that Norm and I have very few friends. Most of our friends are in our wedding party. I have been looking at the "our friends" section of our guest lists, and it's a sorry sight. We have lots of acquaintances, but not people we would really consider friends. I guess it's our fault. We don't hang out with people like we used to anymore. We need to find friends. Where is a good place to find friends?
I am going to be bridesmaid-less for the last 5 months of my engagement. I have four bridesmaids. Two currently live out of state one in Washington, and one in Iowa, and the other two live here in California. In December my very closest and dearest friend, and one of the California residents, is moving to Washington. That makes two in Washington, one in Iowa, and one here in California. The one left here in California is crazy busy all the time. She is a bridesmaid in a million other weddings including mine. The reason she is in a million other weddings is she is a REALLY nice girl. Soon she will be my sister in law. But as I said earlier, she is busy all the time.
On a positive note, we have found our wedding and reception site, and we have an interview with a promising D.J. From what I hear, he is a good deal for a D.J. He charges a flat rate, he comes to the rehearsal, he leaves when the party is over, and he doesn't charge overtime or extra for any of this. AND he has a bubble machine. Now, I know what your thinking. Don't mess with the interview... Book this guy. HE HAS A BUBBLE MACHINE. But we must contain our excitement for the bubble machine, and follow proper protocol.
My goodness I like to hear myself talk. I need to find some inner peace. There is just way too much noise going on in my head. I need to find a thinking spot. One like Winnie The Pooh has. Just a place to go reflect and be quiet. Where is such a place in California? I miss beauty in my life. I need to get back in touch with the Peace of God. It's been gone from my life for far too long. I miss Jesus. I miss the Holy Spirit. I miss God. I miss communion with the saints. I think this is what my soul is crying out for. I think that when I look at my barren "friends" list, and when I think about my bridesmaids all living thousands of miles away from me, I realize that I have lost that communion. How do I get it back again. Where do I find it. I am lost. My soul has been drowning in a sea of busyness, to do lists are tying down my spirit, and errands are sucking my joy. I forgot how much truth is discovered in journaling. I used to be an avid journaler, but I stopped. It seems I lost myself when I stopped searching my soul through the act of journaling. I need to go be alone now.

Introduction

This is me and my fiance. It's still a little weird to call him my fiance. We got engaged on April 28, 2006 at "The Melting Pot" in Thousand Oaks. We have set the date for our wedding on May 19, 2007. We are getting married at "The Secret Garden" it's a restaurant in Moorpark. It's so romantic.
I am not a very deep person. What you see is what you get. Deep philosophical conversations leave me feeling inadequate and uneducated, so I just don't have them. I break tension (usually caused by myself) by cracking bad jokes at the wrong time. But you still can't help but love me. I am loud and very opinionated. I suffer from chronic diarrhea of the mouth. I am every man's dream. Just ask Norm.